Suzanne Colson has super information about positioning for breastfeeding that takes advantage of normal baby behavior. She focuses on babies’ reflexes and states of consciousness. Now she has a short video clip on her website of a baby latching. Sorry I don’t know how to embed this video, so here is the link http://biologicalnurturing.com/Pages/bioflash.html. Her DVD (for sale on her site and in the US through Hale Publishing) is fantastic.
I can’t say enough about how Suzanne’s insights into how mothers and babies breastfeed together have helped me as I help families.
Note: I’ve added the link to my Library page list of latch resources.
Madison Breastfeeding Help 
It’s a nice video, but I feel all sorts of stress watching it, because no relaxed approach worked for me. 😦 FYI, the link is to a postpartum website, but copying & pasting the URL works.
Yes, I can see how it would be painful:(. It is just lousy when our biology doesn’t quite work the way it is supposed to. And even though there is lots of information about grieving about infertility or miscarriage or a disappointing birth experience there isn’t much about grieving for a disappointing breastfeeding experience. I don’t know of much beyond the MOBImotherhood.org site. I’m sorry about the stress you feel.
BTW – I think I fixed the link.